Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
