Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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