We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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