Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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