Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
