Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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