If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
