It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
