so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
