Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
