I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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