Moan for me like Helen Keller
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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