I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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