Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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