just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
