Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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