If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
