Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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