yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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