Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
