My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
