I never want to see another naked old woman again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
