Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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