i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
