this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the day after is always just damage control
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
