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i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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