She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
