You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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