You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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