I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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