I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
