it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.