before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?