I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.