just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.