meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse