You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent