"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse