Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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