I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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