What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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