WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
