My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
