Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
