I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
