I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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The uberlube is also flammable
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize