I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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