Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
