My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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