I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
