If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like