ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.