I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
well you can't waste a boner
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.