guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?