Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me