Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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