Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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