She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
