I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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