DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I supernannyed him into submission
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
