So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
